


No Simon, we cannot afford all the butter

by shouldigayorshouldigo



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Butter, Grocery Shopping, M/M, Sour Cherry Scones (Simon Snow), baz cant stop rolling his eyes, butter addiction, fluff!, simon being a dork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25602034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouldigayorshouldigo/pseuds/shouldigayorshouldigo
Summary: "Snow, how do you expect me to cook dinner when all you have is a bottle of ketchup and a pack of cookies?”
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Baz**

"Snow, how do you expect me to cook dinner when all you have is a bottle of ketchup and a pack of cookies?" He can be such a twat. Unfortunately, I still love him.

"Sorry, I didn't know. Just go to the store a few blocks away, Penny says they have good deals" he suggests, "and stop calling me 'Snow'." He's sitting on the couch, fully comfortable, eyes glued to his phone. His bronze curls keep getting in his eyes, so he's already run his hand in his hair several times. I walk over to him and yank his phone out of his hands, receiving a very loud "HEY!" in the ear. "Sorry Snow" I say, smirking "You're not going blind today, and I'm not going alone." Simon huffs and stomps to his room, knowing there isn't a point in arguing. He returns a minute later with dirty runners and a jacket on. Trying to seem tall and tough, he stands in front of the door with his arms crossed. Doesn't change the fact that I tower over him. Poor Snow.

"Well then Baz," he says "let's get this over with."

**Simon**

I've been watching YouTube for a few hours already and wasn't planning on stopping yet when 'WOOSH' Baz takes my fucking phone.

I tried to yell in his ear so he'd drop it, but the bastard held his ground. Sure I asked him to come over and hang out, and yes, I may have implied he was making food for us, but still! Does he have to be such an arsehole about it!? Either way, I know Baz has made up his mind and won't budge. Against my will, I go to my room and get a jacket and my old runners. When I come back I try to hold a grudge and guilt Baz into giving me my phone. Baz pulls on his own shoes and a thick sweater, then makes a point to open the door while stretching out to make himself tall. As if he isn't tall enough already.

Since the store is so close, we don't take a car and just walk. It's honestly quite cold, (I mean it is 7pm on a Saturday in February) and I can see Baz shivering a little. "Why didn't you bring a jacket?" I ask. I take my jacket off and put it on Baz's shoulders. He zips it up. "I was dealing with a certain prat, so I forgot." He says with a smirk. I look at him and roll my eyes. "Your the one who can't cook unless you have a 5 star kitchen!" He looks at me with overexaggerated shock in his eyes. Baz tries to shove me, but I block his shoulder with my arm, almost like a chest bump from the side. I take his hand instead.

**Baz**

Simon's hand feels so good and warm, I almost don't realize we're entering the store. He rolls a cart over, then pauses, turning to me. "Baz... where do we start? Penny always does the shopping for us...." He winces and I laugh, not surprised at all. "Crowley Snow, you truly haven't changed." He huffs, and tries to pull his hand away, but I grip it tighter. It's not everyday I get to hold his hand, and now that I am, I'm certainly not letting go. Simon rolls his eyes, but doesn't pull away.

"So? Where should we start? Lead the way you arse."

I chuckle under my breath, amused at his lack of knowledge. "Fruit. And vegetables, without a doubt." I say, smirking. Simon looks a bit sad. I think he was hoping I would say the bakery section. Him and his scone obsession drive me mad. Nevertheless, he nods and I lead him to the apples. He takes a small plastic bag and fills it. I'm actually surprised he didn't just pile apples into the cart.

He turns to me after tying off the bag. ".... now what."

"Well now, we do exactly what you just did for the other fruits and vegetables you want to buy Snow. That's why there here." He shrugs and takes a bundle of bananas, then sets them in he cart beside the apples. He beams at me, as if he's just done something impressive. I roll my eyes and laugh, and that makes his smile reach his eyes. "Alright! This should be fun!" He says. "I thought you wanted to stay home? That this would be boring?"

"Well.... NOW THAT I'M IN CHARGE I CAN BUY ALL THE BUTTER AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!"Merlin and Morgana, of all the things I was expecting, this was not one of them. I try my very hardest not to roll my eyes out of my head, and stay calm. ”Simon, honestly, I know you have a very small brain, but please just use what little of it you have.” “I did, forming that sentence.” Crowley! “How are you going to pay for that, Snow?” "We can afford it! It’s just butter.” The nerve this boy has.... “No Simon, we cannot afford all the butter.”He shrugs. “Well, I’ll buy as much as we can afford.” And he happily skips along to the dairy aisle.

**Simon**

I'm in heaven. There isn't any other way to explain it! I should really come along when Penny goes to buy groceries. I don't know why I haven't!

Baz is barley keeping up with me, I'm half running half skipping my way to the butter. "Simon, slow down!" I giggle but don't stop. Then, I see it.... the most beautiful thing I have ever set eyes on (don't tell Baz I said that). The butter! Sticks of butter, tubs of butter, salted and unsalted butter! I reach for a tub, then two, then four, until Baz steps in my way. "Simon, I'm not kidding, we can't buy all this butter!" I frown, "Why not?" Baz rolls his eyes, "Where will we put it? How will we pay for it? Who is going to eat SEVEN TUBS OF BUTTER?" I look at him in shock, wondering if Baz had ever seen me eat before. "ME! YOU TWAT!" I'll have you know, both of us have completely forgotten we're in a grocery store, with people glaring at us from every angle as we yell our lungs out. Baz looks at me and both of us are shocked into silence, embarrassed.

I take six of the seven tubs out of the cart, leaving one tub of unsalted, locally made butter. "Fair enough." I say, and continue through the store. Baz stays close to me, but never in front and never beside, so I have a feeling he's mad at me. I turn to say something, open my mouth, then close it again, at a loss for words. We don't say a word until I realize we never decided what exactly Baz wanted to make for dinner. I suck in a breath, stealing myself before saying, "So, what are we making for dinner?"

"Why don't we just get a frozen pizza." Okay, now I _know_ he's mad. Baz never buys anything frozen unless he has absolutely no choice, he almost always prefers to make something himself. Nevertheless, I nod and pick up a cheese pizza, cringing at the sudden cold of the freezer. We're just about finished when Baz makes a sudden turn to the sweets section, and I follow. He tosses a packet of M&M's into the cart, then looks at the floor. Well, that's it then. "Hold on, I'll be right back. I'll meet you at the checkout." Baz says, and he's off. I sigh, and find the checkout with the least amount of people in line. I start emptying things onto the conveyer. Baz shows up a few minutes later with a paper bag in hand, and I don't ask what's inside.

Once we've payed, we haul our things back to my apartment, freezing in the process.

**Baz**

Simon handles the pizza. I just focus on getting warm. It was so cold outside that my teeth are still chatter after fifteen minutes of being in the apartment. I mostly want Simon to hold me, but I think he's still angry about the butter. I don't push him, but I did get some scones before we left. Sour cherry scones for my sour little boy. I almost laugh at that. Almost.

A yelp comes from the kitchen, startling me out of my thoughts. I rush over, seeing Simon lowering the pizza into the oven with his hand on the metal rack. He's holding onto the hot rack inside the oven as if it'll slide out of place. I quickly shove his hand out of the oven, and Simon doesn't say a word. "Simon! What were you thinking? You could've burnt your hand off!" Simon looks at me and I see tears in his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Baz**

"Toothpaste! It says put toothpaste on a burn. Uhhh... okay I guess we'll just have to spread it around?" Simon is sitting on the toilet seat, staring at nothing, while I try to find a way to fix his hand. He has scorched, red marks on his right hand, and his fingers are shaking from the pain. I should know what to do, considering I'm flammable, but so is everything else, so I never paid much attention to it. Anyway, I repeatledy see things about toothpaste helping to calm the sting of the burn, so I take it out of the mirror cupboard and take off the cap. "You're really gonna use that?" Simon asks. "Well, do you have a better idea?" I say it harsher than it was meant to be, and Simon immediately drops his head down. I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I didn't mean to say it like that, love. I'm sorry. I just- I don't know what to do and I'm trying to take the pain away as fast as I can. I know it's hard to deal with, and I know you shouldn't have to do it alone, but no one has ever leaned on me this way. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to do the best I can, it's just sometimes the best isn't good enough. But I can use little things to help with the pain until we find a way to..... " Suddenly, this isn't about the burn, or the butter, or even the toothpaste. It's about Simon. It's about me. It's about _us._

Simon's eyes go wide as I trail off, and before I know it he's stood up and has one arm (the left one) around my waist. I want to say he pulled me close, but close isn't the right word. Our lips are barley apart, and his eyes are almost blurring into one. I can just see his lips curl into a smile, and I feel a warmth sprout in my chest. I hold onto the feeling and close the distance between us. Simon's arm around me tightens, and I pull at his hair, trying to tug him up, closer, on his tiptoes. It doesn't work, so instead I push him against the wall. He yelps as his hand hits the wall, and I pull away. "Shit, sorry. Let me see it, I'll put the toothpaste on it. Maybe it'll help." Simon nods, then laughs. "Listen to how ridiculous you sound. 'LeT mE pUt tOotHPaStE oN iT.' Okay Baz, put some toothpaste on it." He says, mocking my tone. "Oh, well, at least I didn't voluntarily put my hand in an OVEN! 'yES, tHe cHOseN oNe hAs sTRucK AgAiN! HeLp iS oN tHE WaY, JuSt wAiT i NeEd tO bUrN MySElf FiRsT!'

Simon flips me off, them throws a toothbrush at me. "HEY!" I say, then throw the towel at his face. It lands on top of his head, covering his hair. He doesn't take it off, instead he picks up the soap dispenser and gives me an psychotic grin. "Don't you dare bring that towards me Snow!" He takes a step closer. "I wasn't going to, until you called me 'Snow'." Realizing he's not kidding, I dash out of the bathroom and hide behind a chair in the kitchen. Simon follows. I curse, then dart around the table and jump onto the couch, tossing the blanket over me for protection. Simon lands on top of me with a 'thud', then wraps his legs around my waist. "YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME NOW!!" I let out a fake scream, and Simon gets soap in my hair because the blanket wasn't long enough. "SIMON! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" He jumps right off me, then runs off the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. I can hear him laughing, probably pressed against the door.

I notice he left the soap behind, but I get a better idea. I toss the soap onto the kitchen counter and, instead, take out the cooking oil. I pour it into a cup, and quietly walk across the room until I'm in front of the bedroom door. I slam into the door and either Simon didn't hear me, or he wasn't against the door, because it flies right open. Must have been the latter, because he's sitting on our bed. I yank his burn-free arm right against me, and I see lust in his eyes. I smirk, guessing he didn't see the cup in my hand. I tug on the back of his shirt, revealing some skin, and dump the oil down his back before he can say 'stop'." "FUCK YOU BAZ!" I laugh. "I know you wish you could, but you should really take a shower first." He throws himself on top of me, pinning me to the ground. He holds down each of my wrists with one hand. I guess the pain from the burn went away.

**Simon**

I know Baz could get up right now if he wanted too, but he doesn't even fight my grip on his wrists. He just lies there smirking, as if this is the most comfortable he's been in his life. Maybe it is. He notices me noticing his smirk, and it changes quickly into a pout. "I'm sowwy...." He says, eyes wide and fingers brushing against my knuckles. I can't take it. I don't care that Baz just poured a cup of oil down my back. I take one hand away from his wrist and smooth down the soap in his hair. He tugs at my hair, and I let him pull my face towards his.

Our lips collide with a crushing weight, like our teasing is being pushed into the kiss. Baz keeps tugging at my hair and it's getting harder to keep quiet. He pushes his tongue onto my lips, and I open, feeling our tongues collide. Sparks shoot up my arms and I feel light and heady every time Baz touches me. He starts threading his hands in my hair and I put one hand on his chest, then slide it under the hem of his shirt just slightly. Baz slowly slides his lips off of mine and I whimper, the cold hitting my mouth at his absence. He instead starts kissing my chin and jaw, then licking the skin there. I moan into his neck, skin tingling. I bite softly into Baz neck, getting low groan from Baz.

I move my hand so it's tugging Baz shirt up, up, up, until he brings his lips back to mine and I forget to keep going. Baz slowly pushes one of his legs in between mine, feeling the hardness, and I moan into his mouth. He keeps kissing me, but slower and slower, until I feel almost drugged.

Then. He. Just. Stops.

Baz lets go of me, takes his leg out from in between mine, slides his tongue out of my mouth, and grabs my hand away from his shirt. I moan at the absence and I see a slight smirk on his face. "Bazzzzz....." I say, words slightly slurred. "What did I say earlier?" He says, and I'm genuinely confused because I have no idea what he said earlier. "Can't fuck me until you take a shower." He gets up and offers me a hand, which I take. "Your such an arsehole, you know that." I say. "I never said you have to shower alone." I quirk up at that. Baz raises his eyebrows and I laugh. "Well, you do have soap in your hair, so a shower would do you good."

"One question though. What's for dinner?" I ask. I'm hungry no matter what our plans are. Baz laughs and leads me to the kitchen, pulling out the paper bag from before. He hands it to me and I open it, then crack a smile that reaches my eyes. "You bought scones!" He looks at me, suddenly serious, "Yes, to say sorry. I've been yelling a lot lately, and I truly am sorry Simon." I pull him to me, dropping the scones on the counter, and kiss him.

"I'll forgive you on one condition."

"Anything."

"We buy two tubs of butter next time!"


End file.
